It IS her problem
I am fired up…and not in an excited, happy way!
I took my dad up on his offer to go to dinner tonight. I figured if he was up for it with four young children, then I might as well be too. We picked a new spot in town, Red Robin. I had heard it was loud and kid-friendly. Sounded like a match to me. All went well enough…there was food everywhere but the kids ate well. Even better, Emerson didn’t scream for her life when the larger-than-life-red-robin made his way to our table. (Remember…the Easter Bunny just about threw her off the edge.)
It was on the way out that has left me completely disturbed and angrier than I have been in a long time.
As I was helping Briggs figure out how to play a video game, I looked behind me to see Emerson several feet away with a woman. I walked over to the woman assuming she would comment on Emerson’s beautiful, blue eyes or her cute, blonde curls. However, I was met with a rude tone, “I just want you to know that your girl almost knocked over that sign [commentary - it was a fabric sign attached to a small pole with a robin on it] and it is NOT my fault. You aren’t watching her.”
I responded quite in shock, “I’m sorry. My husband has been deployed to Iraq for a year and it is one of my first attempts to take all of my children out to dinner.”
She said with a shake of her head, “Well, uh…is that my problem?”
My blood hit an immediate boiling point. After a few explicatives behind her back, which unfortunately Briggs was privy to, she WALKED outside to the closest HANDICAPPED spot. Let me add this motion boldly to my Pet Peeves List…watching completely abled-bodies consume handicapped parking spaces.
Now, I am sure you have had many moments in your life that you would like to replay so that you can respond with something wittier, something more profound, something more intelligent or something so honest that it would make the person walk away in shame. So here it is. This is what I would say given the opportunity to Mrs. You Don’t Think It’s Your Problem, Fake Handicapped Woman…
“Guess what…it is your problem. In fact, it is every American’s problem. I just happened to be more deeply affected by the fact that we are at war than you.
Have you sent your brother, grandson, daughter or husband off to war? I suggest you consider right here and now which family member of yours that you would like to volunteer for this war. Which of your loved ones would you like to hug tight and consider that you may never see them alive again? When does it become your problem?
Your are pathetically standing here before me only because my husband is fighting for the right for you to do so. The next time you are inconveniently bothered by a wandering one-year old, you might want to dig down deep into that stale heart of yours and lend a helping hand. Because I can assure you…it is your problem too.
And next time don’t let me see you park in a handicapped space…there is nothing more despicable.”
Okay…I have to give my flanges a break. I about burned up my computer keyboard typing this doozy. I recognize that I have a great deal of anxiety building up and maybe that is why this woman set me off so badly tonight. We just came off a long Spring Break, I haven’t talked to Tim in weeks, I know his arrival is pending, I am losing patience with my extremely busy and needy children more often, and I am just plain tired of being alone.
So, let me at least on a thankful note…I am glad I never ran into people this ignorant over the past year. I am thankful that I have been surrounded by dear, grateful, kind people that truly understand the sacrifice soldiers and their families endure during a deployment. I was adamant about not entering this war from the beginning but we are there now. It isn’t just my problem…as Americans, it is all of our problem.
P.S. After I explained to Briggs the mistake I had made in using the “F” word, he said, “I think Daddy would have been mad at that lady too.” Then he turned to Emerson sitting next to him in the van and cheered, “Only three more weeks, Em, and Daddy will be home!”
Mama Bear signing off.
This is why I always walk away from my Big Sis when I sense the boiling point (Tim will agree). Back in the day, she would have pulled handfuls of hair and jumped on her ribs.
Love you.
n8
Nate - April 10th, 2008 at 11:06 pmI cannot tell you how much I agree with you on this. I have been in a very similiar situation and I wish I would have been able to respond better. If I EVER am in a situation like that again you can bet I will not keep my mouth shut!! Kudos to you for taking the kids out too, they need it. Hang in there it is almost over!
Dyan Schwark - April 11th, 2008 at 6:00 amI know what you mean by being witty, but it sounds like your response actually caught her off guard, I think it was a good one, honest!
Also I think your desciption of her would fit in one of those Bud Light radio commercials “Mrs. You Don’t Think It’s Your Problem, Fake Handicapped Woman…” so crack open a Bud Light.
Helena
Helena - April 11th, 2008 at 7:50 amPeople amaze me everyday. I’m thankful that most of the time, it’s with the wonderful things they do and the love they spread around the world and not the ugliness that this woman chose to bestow on you. It is unimaginable to me that she felt that way about a toddler - just seeing you there with four kids should have been enough to earn anyone’s understanding. But hearing about Tim’s deployment and spouting out ignorance from her ungrateful, miserable existence - it’s unforgivable. I hope you meet her in a dark alley someday!
Molly - April 11th, 2008 at 9:02 amI’m with Molly! Lets get that lady in a dark alley and we’ve got your back!!!!!
Susan - April 11th, 2008 at 12:00 pmBad tempers…. now this is FOR SURE WITHOUT A DOUBT a Rowe thing. (This is a potential hot-bed for commentary so I’ll just leave it at that.)
Three weeks to go sounds great!
Winden - April 11th, 2008 at 12:16 pmI realize this may be an out-of-character post for me. However, I felt very passionate last night when I wrote this, replaying the incident in my mind. I was completely offended by this woman. It even woke me up early this morning.
After reviewing my rant, it has more to do with the anticipation of Tim’s arrival home. I have been pushed to emotional places I have never been before this year. I have tried to remain very grateful, positive, and selfless…caring more for my children than for myself. But I want it to be over. I want my husband back. I want my kids to have a father at home.
tiffany - April 11th, 2008 at 4:42 pmShe needs prayer and you can’t argue with stupid.
Susie Stoner - April 11th, 2008 at 6:23 pmI am boiling for you!
mary - April 11th, 2008 at 8:39 pmOnce at a baseball game a kid bit one of mine so hard that he broke the skin. After I took him to his mom and told her sh said, So?
I literally could feel Derek desperately trying to snag the back of my shirt as I went after her, cussing all the way, and asked her if she wants to know the answer to that question to just hold still for a little bit longer and I’d show her in no uncertain terms…
people…some just need to learn a lesson
congrats on behaving as well as you did. I applaud your restraint
A sequel and footnote:
I had been having a wonderful evening watching the mayhem ravel and unravel among my four grandchildren. How Tiffany does it everyday is beyond my comprehension.
As we were leaving, I was watching Briggs play a video game when Tiffany stormed across the room, obviously very agitated, and very pissed. She briefly related the encounter with the woman, who by then was walking to her car, without even a hint of a limp, in the closest disability parking space in the lot. Tiffany’s anger, was now mine, so I walked outside to her and said, “You know, none of us fake we are cripples.”
I suppose my remark was unwarranted, but nevertheless the woman sat in her car for at least five minutes as we were getting ready to leave. I waited until Tiffany and Stacy had herded the brood into their van before I left. She was parked directly in front of restaurant so I had to walk directly past her open window as she screamed “God will punish you send you to hell.” I knew she must be a good Christian, so I smiled and replied “There is no god, and there never was one.”
That may be strange. My grandfather was a Methodist minister, but my brother and I have been atheist all our lives. I certainly couldn’t damn her to hell, but somehow I know the unknown woman had a miserable evening and night. She already lives in a hell of her own making. I, by the way, still had a delightful evening.
David Rowe - April 11th, 2008 at 9:18 pmYou go girl! Soon we can forget all the crazy people and hold our men close and watch them play with our children. I cannot wait. I am so thankful for you Tiffany and our fellow “army wives”. Hang in there, we are so close!
Gwen - April 11th, 2008 at 11:31 pmI heard this story in person last evening as Tif and I dined out. She asked if I had read the blog and I hadn’t, so I got the blow by blow description. By this time, she was able to laugh a little. We came up with come other retorts and I think a pop in the nose would have been appropriate. As I grow older, I find myself more outspoken when encountering rude, clueless, unthoughtful, arrogrant and ignorant people. Unfortunately, the world is full of them so I guess in most instances, that’s why we turn the other cheek.
Jean - April 12th, 2008 at 12:01 pmTif, you’ve been a rock and pulled in so many directions & withstood the worst. It is almost over and your handsome man will be home soon!
Love,
Mom
i bet she was ugly.
: P
sara - April 13th, 2008 at 10:14 pmI came upon your blog by accident looking at someone elses. I think that you and your family are amazing, and especially your husband. What kudos go out to him!!! I rave on you and your family every time friends and family talk about the war. Every time I read your blog I pray for his safe return, along with his “crew”, and also that you and your little ones remain strong. Sorry this seems so strange, but that little witch that made that comment to you will pay one day. May you remain strong till all “Stoner six” are safe at home!!
Lori Bess
Lori Bess - April 14th, 2008 at 2:08 pmlbess@glazers.com