Off and Away
Tim is off. As he said reluctantly on our way to the airport, “Back to combat.”
He actually looked quite comfortable as I saw him board the plane in his brown jump suit which look more like adult pajamas. (Note: To all spouses or family members…you can escort your soldier to the gate past security once you show your ID at the ticket counter.)
He repeated to many while he was home how proud he is of their mission. He even commented that it has provided him the greatest job satisfaction that he has ever experienced.
Knowing that he has only a few short months left, I suppose makes the good-bye less heart-wrenching but it does not make it easier. His absence is bold like something looming in the room. And, I cannot help but to consider the danger that he faces on a daily basis.
I heard on several occasions today from the twin that can articulate better than any of our children at 19 months, “Where’s Daddy?” From Gage who has absolutely no sense of time nor his numbers said proudly, “My Daddy is coming back in five years [while holding up three fingers]!” And Briggs…well, he is just plain angry and his bullet-like glares shoot straight in my direction.
Tim was agitated the day before he left. Perhaps it was the family picture I attempted to get in the eleventh hour. Or perhaps it was the Little League tryouts that we were completely unequipped for on the day of his departure. Or maybe it was just plainly the thought of leaving home again. In any case, it was clear he wanted to argue. But I didn’t fall prey to his agitation. I just left him alone.
As I was walking out of the airport with my super-duper-father-in-law, I was telling him about it. Good ‘ole John gave me a real simple answer, “Ahhhh…he used to do that as a kid all of the time. I wouldn’t pay any attention to it other than to give him a big hug…deflated him immediately.”
It was as if a light bulb had gone off. Are our personalities and intricacies fully developed as a small child that our parents really know us better than we think? It took my father-in-law to remind me that my husband is 100 percent driven by touch. Had I just walked over to him with a big hug, could I have just eased his agitation? And why didn’t I think of that?
I have thought about it a lot since he is left. I am prepared to use this strategy with our son, Briggs. When those piercing glares shoot in my direction, I am going to try to deflate him with hugs. We both could use it.
P.S. I have pictures but some little person with very sticky hands whom resides in this house has misplaced my camera. I am sure I will find it in the toy box tomorrow.
Hang in there Tiff! He will be home before you know it. The worst is truly over.
Can’t wait to see the pictures!
HUGS to you…xoxoxo,
Suzanne Sutliff - March 3rd, 2008 at 9:57 amThe agitation was absolutely surrounding the thought of leaving you guys again. The other things were simply symptoms and triggers of the underlying issue.
Leaving is difficult, very difficult.
Psychologically, it’s a lot easier to say goodbye “angry” - than in any other mood. Unfortunately, it’s a subconscious preparation and reaction = that will take a conscious decision (hug) to break it and/or the cycle.
You and Dad are right = affection driven.
tim - March 4th, 2008 at 2:32 pmWow, members of my family who actually think about their emotions and don’t just “do” is a truly amazing concept. I’ll have to try it sometime. Keep in mind that you separate after these events for extended periods of time and it’s easier to think these things. On the camara…..I think she has been watching the toilet commercial where everything is flushed. Hope not, would love to see the pics.
Aunt 9 - March 5th, 2008 at 10:03 amPS I can tell when Tiffany is stressed. She’s been doing it since childhood. She sits, almost fetal, and picks or bites her nails. Sort of withdraws. Had a chance to witness it on this trip to Indy. Guess what Tiffany and Tim, Gage and Briggs are done, You have about 18mos. left for the twins. Scarry isn’t it?
O Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely. O Lord you hem me in -behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the dpths, you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast. If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me.: even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day for darkness is as light to you. For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb, I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. How precious to me are your thoughts, O God! How vast is the sum of them! Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand. When I wake, I am still with you. Psalm 139:1-18
Tim, I hope you find comfort in knowing God is always with you. He made you.
It was great seeing you when you were here. We are waiting for your return with open arms. (to hug you)
May God’s peace be with you always. We are on our knees in prayer for you and your whole family.
Tim, Alfega, Samantha and Timmy
Tim & Alfega - March 5th, 2008 at 1:21 pmMy name is Dave Hiatt. I met Tim back in college when I lived with Joel Peigh and Rod Kiefer among others at Purdue. I would like to say “Hey” to Tim if you don’t mind providing his email address.
Thanks Dave
Dave Hiatt - March 7th, 2008 at 2:34 pm