Letters From Tim

This is a post I have been organizing in my mind for weeks now. It keeps me occupied while I run. I started contemplating the reasons why Tim and I work. Let’s be honest, with four kids seven and under, romance is not the key reason.

We just work.

As I begin to feel his absence more…I have recalled some of the first things about Tim that attracted me to him.

EYE CONTACT. This is absolutely the #1 thing that attracted me to Tim when we first met. He looked me in the eye and didn’t look away. I remember telling Jamie, one of my college roommates, as soon as I walked in the door from our first date, “I love how he looked me in the eyes.” After meeting the entire Stoner clan years later, I got it. They ALL look at each other like that…very engaged in what you are saying. They talk to you straight and head on.

A HANDSHAKE. We were both involved in other relationships that were not easy to get out of right away. So somehow we figured if we couldn’t kiss we could have a handshake. I am here to tell you…the handshake put chills up my spine outside the Business Building at Ball State after our marketing class. Interestingly enough…the handshake has stood the test of time. We still use it every time Tim flies. It has since evolved into the Official Stoner Family Handshake. Briggs has been the only other inductee as of yet but we intend to use if considerably with all the children.

WACKY BACKGROUNDS. To sugarcoat it slightly, we don’t necessarily come from the most ideal families (does anyone though?). Let’s just say that we have some considerable wackiness. Thankfully, it wasn’t just one of us.

HIGH SCHOOL COUNSELORS GONE BAD. As we got to know each other better, we realized we both got some of the crappiest advice from our high school counselors. (Note: Different high schools. Different years.) They both suggested that we find a vocation and consider applying to junior college. Now, there is certainly nothing wrong with this so please don’t take offense. But it was not the direction Tim or I decided to take with our futures. Maybe the only thing their poor advice did was make us work considerably harder. But honestly, their advice wasn’t based on knowing either of us. Their advice was based on numbers and letters on a piece of paper. Had they really taken the time to know us…their advice would have been much different. Tim and I both are extremely driven, resourceful, and moderately intelligent. I love that David Letterman designed his scholarships at Ball State for C students…because if he was anything like us…we demonstrated our real potential sometimes outside of the classroom.

RESPECT. We truly respect each other and our ‘placements’ in the family. I am deeply thankful that Tim has provided me the luxury to stay home with our children, and follow a deep passion of mine to own my own business. Tim left home at 18 with little on his back and put himself through college and graduate school. He didn’t even own a car until he was 28 years old…we bought it in flight school.

FLYOVERS. If you live in our neighborhood, it would be hard for you to miss a flyby. The kids typically line the streets. Tim regularly flies over the house when he is at Reserves…and flies over LOW. Blackhawks make a considerable thump-thump-thump sound. It is one of the coolest things to witness and I am so proud that he knows how to actually fly such an enormous piece of machinery.

THE CANONDALE. Tim rode everywhere in college on a beaten-up Canondale he bought for a $100 bucks. It more or less defined him. Everywhere he went you could hear, “Hey, Stoner!” In fact, it wasn’t until a party we mutually hosted together after graduate school that a gal said (half drunk) …”That is the coooolest nickname you’ve got.” Tim looked at her confused and said, “What do you mean? Ah…Stoner is my last name!”

INDEPENDENCE. While Tim and I are very much connected, we also are independent. We have interests and responsibilities together and we have those apart. I think it has been an important part of why we work.

PARTNER. That is the ‘nickname’ we developed the moment we started dating and it still holds true to today. We are partners!

Happy Fourth of July to everyone!

One of my favorite pictures of us in Santorini, Greece in 1998. A great backpacking trip we made just after Tim graduated from flight school and started working again.